25 August 2011

Ambiguous Loss

Ambiguous Loss is a term formed by Pauline Boss.  Here is a clip of her discussing her term and her book.

Thanks to NCFR for posting this in their Zippy newsletter.

24 August 2011

Math Ability is "Pre-Destined"

If you are bad at math, blame your gene pool.  Apparently math ability, in this new study, is pre-destined.  In the sense that children have a "number sense" built into them.

So your number sense is something you are just going to have to live through throughout your life. Go Math!

Jack Layton, you will be missed.

It was a sad moment when I was flicking through my news feed that I read that Jack Layton had died from his fight with cancer.

I have always found him to be an inspiring leader.  He always had so much passion, desire and sincerity when he delivered his messages.  His charisma will truly be missed in Canadian politics.

Layton wrote an amazing letter to Canadians, two days before he passed.  I am always fascinated with people's last words.  His last paragraph stated:
My friends, love is better than anger.  Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic.  And we'll change the world.
Again... AMAZING.  The CBC compiled together a nice obituary about the man, so did the Globe & Mail.  The Edmonton Journal pieced together a simple timeline of his political career. This article in the Toronto Star is just worth the image displaying Layton's connection with Canada's younger generation.  Rex Murphy also spoke perfectly about Layton and his contribution.

Jack Layton, you will be missed.

22 August 2011

Can I Really "Forgive & Forget"?

This, I feel, was a brilliantly written article by Jon Swinton, and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  He attempts to address the topic of letting go and building.

I 100% agree with him about the adage of "forgive and forget", I hate it as well.

One thing not covered in the article is sometimes breaks to trust can be so damaging, so harmful, and so traumatic that it will be hard to even forget about on a daily basis, let alone forgive the perpetrator.  Sometimes breaks in trust kill a relationship.  So there is no point in resurrecting the relationship.  Know that that is an option as well.

However, if this a violation of trust that can eventually be repaired, follow the three steps/phases outlined by Swinton.

21 August 2011

More F-Bombs Slipping Into PG-13 Movies

I have never been someone to trust the movie rating system.  I sometimes think an R-rated movie (or 18A as it is in Canada) may be a better quality movie, have a morale to it than some of those PG-13 (or 14A) movies.

I know some people who just write R-Rated movies off as inappropriate, and I respect that.  However, I am an advocate of a rating system that is so wishy-washy.  I prefer using Kids-In-Mind.com.  It lays out on a ranking scale the sex, violence, and profanity content.  However, if you don't want to just go by the ranking, there is a list of each of the events in the movie that falls into the category.  Very informative, and it allows us the viewer to make our own judgement on a movie, instead of relying on someone else.

This thought is spurred from this Globe & Mail article that discusses how more PG-13 movies are having F-bombs dropped. There are a lot of nuances in determining whether or not the movie should be PG-13 or R.

20 August 2011

How to Understand Brain Differences Between Men and Women Better

Kevin Hinckley, and Licensed Professional Counsellor recently gave a presentation at BYU's education week.  He spoke on the differences between men and women's brains.

He eventually broke things down into key points of how men can better understand women and how women can better understand men.

  • Women read and evaluate everything that men do including words, tone of voice, facial expressions, behaviour etc.
  • Men are "fixers" and need to realize that women want to be listened to, not fixed.
  • Women will keep up on men because they want to take care of you.  For example a wife will worry if her husband doesn't go frequently enough to the doctor's.
  • Sometimes men do stupid things, where a woman may attribute the action as malice.  Women need to realize that men just think differently
  • The man's brain is sometimes not equipped or attuned to pick up communication nuances, such as hint dropping.
  • Allow men to go to their "Man Cave" so they can stew things over and better prepare themselves to solve the problem and cope with stress.
The full article review can be read here.

18 August 2011

Children of Cohabiting Couples Fair Worse Compared to Married Couples

A recent study released showed that children of cohabiting couples have a greater risk for negative outcomes compared to children of a married couple.

The great question is why?  Most of the factors are similar between the two couples: living together, in a committed relationship, have children, sharing expenses, sharing wealth, etc.  However, for some reason because married mom and dad have a certificate of marriage their children are at a lower risk for having negative outcomes?  It is an interesting phenomenon.

I recall once having a University professor who called those who cohabit a different breed of human relationship expression compared to married couples.  It could be that cohabiting couples have a different way of expressing and showing love.

Now I am not at all saying cohabiting parents are terrible and married couples are exemplary.  Of course cohabiting couples can raise fantastic children, and married couples can corrupt theirs.

17 August 2011

Have age appropriate media at home when children are around

With my daughter getting older, she frequently has play dates with the neighbourhood kids.  Of course when the neighbours kids come over we let the parents know.  We also have a little talk to with the friend setting ground rules, such as clean up one mess before going to another room and making another mess.  Most recently we have had to add a rule of no-swearing in an attempt to keep our daughters language as clean as possible.


Read the rest at Notes on Parenting.

16 August 2011

Culture of Violence

This is not about poverty. It is about culture. A culture that glorifies violence, that shows disrespect to authority and says everything about rights but nothing about responsibility. - Prime Minister David Cameron.
 I love that quote.  We do live in a society, or as he says, culture that glorifies violence. We have shifted from the fake wrestling brought to us by the than WWF (now WWE) to the gladiator type of fighting on UFC.  The most popular video games are first person shooter games, even though the recommended age is higher than those playing the games.

This article in the Deseret Morning News, I feel, is well written, until the second last paragraph where poverty is claimed to have more relation to the riots.  Such a simple thing it is to blame the poor for causing such a ruckus in the neighborhood.  But as we learned in Vancouver riots, the ring leaders were not the simpleton, they were youth with scholarships to universities, children of stable and well-to-do families.

Parents need to teach children right from wrong.  Not that this means joining a religious group, this means teaching children to respect rules, laws, authority, elders and human kind.  Parents need to be aware of where their kids are.

Although I am not advocate for charging parents when minors are being prosecuted, it sometimes make sense.

This is not about poverty, this is about parents being accountable for their children.

15 August 2011

Does Having Children Prevent Divorce?

In the USA couples who are childless experience a 66 percent divorce rate, compared to 40 percent among couples with children.

Having a child can add an extra layer of commitment to a relationship.  However children do make the divorce process complicated and messy, so therefore it is "simpler" to get a divorce without children.

The article fails to mention what classifies as "childless".  Is it marriages that have no kids at all, or are empty-nesters included?  If empty-nesters are not included and are part of the have children category, we do know there is a spike in divorces when all of the children leave the home.  So in this case, having children in general is not the super glue that keeps a marriage together.

We also can't discount the value system of marriages without children.  The reasoning for not having kids is economical, in that they cost too much.  These marriages tend to be for socioeconomic status.  So there could be a peak in these type of couples having a divorce due to the recession.  In the sense that it may be more economical to be single, instead of paying for an unemployed spouse.

However, have a read of the article here.

Also, check out 21 factors that increase ones risk for divorce.

14 August 2011

Women likely to suffer mental health issues after violence

Not to make light of this issue, but this was one of those studies that made me go "Really, we needed a study to come to the conclusion that women who suffer violence/abuse in their lives experience some type of mental health issue during their life, and that the more violence/abuse happened the more likely there is to have more mental health issues?"

Nonetheless here is the article talking about the study involving over 4,000 Australian women.

13 August 2011

Keeping track of your Finances may save you Money!

Do you keep track of your bills or spending?  Do you know where your money is going?  Would you know if someone else even took money out of your account by accident?

This article gives tips of how to better keep track of your finances in just 30 minutes, which may help prevent the loss of monies.  The article title, I do admit is a little misleading "How to improve your finances in just 30 minutes" almost in a way declaring financial freedom in 30 minutes.  But it is more of a money tracking method that is beneficial.

Have a GREAT 30 minutes.

12 August 2011

Affair advertised on Kijiji

I know I write about sustaining relationships, however, I came across this picture on Facebook and couldn't resist sharing it.

11 August 2011

Bitterness can influence your health

Are you still hanging on to that grudge from when Suzy made fun of your clothes? Are you still blaming your previous boss for not giving you a big enough pay raise? Are you still bitter about a lot of things in life?

It turns out that your bitterness, negative emotions in general, can have a have negative impact on your organ functioning to also making your immune system less responsive and also making you more likely to contract a disease.

Read the complete article here in the Ottawa Citizen.

If bitterness is impacting, or even controlling your life, seek help in subduing those feelings.  Holding grudges and pursuing bitter moments can have long term affects, not just on your physical health as mentioned in the article, but also on your relationships with your spouse, kids, siblings, nieces, nephews, parents, grandparents, and so on.

What to do when the power goes out

You are home watching a movie with your family when they power suddenly goes out.  You scramble to check to see if you blew a fuse. They are fine.  You wonder how long it will take to restore the power.  Your children are getting frustrated because they don’t understand that the TV isn’t working because the power is gone, repeatedly asking for you to turn the TV back on so you can finish watching your Netflix movie.

You scramble and find your 3G, 3GS or 4G device.  You huddle around your gadget and attempt to watch the rest of your show while waiting for the power to return.


Read the rest at Notes on Parenting.

10 August 2011

How a rock pile is similar to our support system

I recently went to the park with my kids.  While at the park, my daughter built a “rock castle”, which is just large pile of rocks.  My assignment, given to me by my three year-old, was to drop rocks on the top of the pile, one at a time. I did. And I noticed something.  Sometimes a rock that I dropped would bounce right off of the top and dribble its way down the pile.  I could drop another rock in that exact same spot and it would land right on top of the pile, supported by the rocks around it.  I could take that rock that bounced, and drop it in one of the other piles created by my daughter, and it would stick.

08 August 2011

Learning to recognize others in our lives

Today, let’s do a little exercise.  Don’t worry, not a physical one! I want you to use your imagination.  Let’s pretend you are the driver of a car.  You can have three other people in your vehicle.  I want you to choose three names.  They can be friends, family, coworkers or relatives.  Got them? Good.  Now assign one to front passenger side, one behind you, and the other on the rear passenger side. Assigned your seats? Fantastic! Now let’s go for a cruise!

06 August 2011

Where are the fathers in times of need?

Ever since the result of the Casey Anthony case, there seems to be a flash flood of mothers making the news because of the harm they have caused their children, as if the media is trying to find a new love affair.

For example, there was the woman who used her kid as a weapon on a Toronto bus, another tried drowning herself and her child in a river, another woman locked a child in her custody in a closet, and a woman in Perth who flung her child into random objects. All of these are sick and disgusting acts, all of which I am sure is related to some sort of mental illness or chemical imbalance.


Read the rest here at the Battleford's News Optimist.