The Importance of infant attachment

One of the first key developmental crisis for humans is to attach to a caregiver, primarily a mother. Sometimes that secure attachment doesn't occur, and then there are toddlers, children, teenagers and even adults still seeking for that security. New research found that infants who spent one night a week (or more) away from their primary caregiver (typically a mother) were less attached and therefore have an insecure attachment.

Ambiguous Loss

Ambiguous Loss is a term formed by Pauline Boss.  Here is a clip of her discussing her term and her book.



Thanks to NCFR for posting this in their Zippy newsletter.

Learning to recognize others in our lives

Today, let’s do a little exercise.  Don’t worry, not a physical one! I want you to use your imagination.  Let’s pretend you are the driver of a car.  You can have three other people in your vehicle.  I want you to choose three names.  They can be friends, family, coworkers or relatives.  Got them? Good.  Now assign one to front passenger side, one behind you, and the other on the rear passenger side. Assigned your seats? Fantastic! Now let’s go for a cruise!

The Importance of Relationships to our Children

I was recently exposed to Gordon Neufeld, PhD, a developmental psychologist from the University of British Columbia.  I was watching his Relationships Matter DVD with a colleague.  I am just going to touch on one of the many points Neufeld touched on.

Neufeld brought up a study where kids, who were sitting on their moms lap, had “hot spots” in their brain while learning math.  However, when these kids were learning math and sitting a lab assistants lap, there were no “hot spots”.  It was determined that these kids developed their “hot spots”, a spike in the spot of the brain showing an interest in the subject of math, because they were sitting with their mom, someone they trusted.  Someone they had a relationship with.  The conclusion was made that kids learn better when they are learning from someone they trust.

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Read the rest of the post on Notes on Parenting.

Research Idea: Love Language and Attachment Style

Is there a correlation between the attachment style we develop as infants and toddlers, and the love language we express as adults?

I think that there just might be one.

The attachment styles are:

• Secure
• Avoidant
• Ambivalent
• Disorganized

The love languages are:

• Words of affirmation
• Acts of service
• Quality time
• Receiving gifts
• Physical touch

Of course, it is important to understand that attachment styles, and love languages, do shift over time.  But are the shifts correlated to a matching love language.  I don't think each attachment style will have purely one particular love language, but there may be a dominant one or ones.

I believe that the implications of the findings in this research idea, is how parents play a role.  Parents may be, in a sense, creating their child's future love language.

YouTube: Attachment is a Survival Mechanism