29 March 2010

Do We Plan For Our Marriage?

Dr. Michelle Gannon brings up an awesome question in her article. This is something I have advocated since I have had an interest in making marriages successful.

I notice, even more now when I watch a TLC show with my wife, how much people invest and spend time on for their wedding. To only wake up the next day to find out that they are Married, and not having another Wedding. There a bills to pay, jobs to go to, meals to prepare and eat, and so on. The excitement of the wedding is gone, and some couples just look at each other wondering "now what?"

It is essential to prepare for a marriage. Go see a pre-marital Counsellor, learn each others love languages, ask each other the 100 questions, know each others future goals and plans, and so on. That way you will be prepared for your marriage. And as Dr. Gannon says, the divorce rate can be reduced by 30%.

Essential Fathers Entry

This weeks entry is titled: I dreamed about having a son, but I have a daughter. What do I do?

Remember you can follow Essential Fathers on Facebook.

Article Recommendation: 10 Ways To Surprise Your Spouse

Looking for ways to surprise your spouse, in a way that says "I love you"? Well, you need to check out these ten ideas.

If you like this article, I recommend you follow UpYourLove on Twitter, or check out their website.

26 March 2010

New Mothers' Media Project: Looking for Participants

The New Mothers Media Project is a research study examining the effects of media use on new mothers' adjustment to parenthood. The purpose of the current study is to explore the amount and kinds of media that new mothers consume on a daily basis and its effect on their overall functioning, including various factors such as depression, marital satisfaction, mother and father involvement with the new child, and felt connectedness to and isolation from others. Findings from the study will contribute needed understanding of new mothers’ media use across the critical transitional period of becoming a parent.
Researchers are looking for women who meet all the following criteria:
First time mothers with a child up to 18 months of age
· Are currently in a long-term relationship or marriage with the child’s father
· Are fluent in English
If you are interested in participating in this internet-based research project, please click on the link below (no password needed) or cut and paste the following URL address: https://byu.qualtrics.com/SE?SID=SV_8IELdfTEBFrmOfG&SVID=Prod
If you have questions or concerns before deciding to participate, please email Brandon McDaniel at newbabyresearch@byu.edu. This study was approved by the institutional review board of Brigham Young University in February of 2010.

5 Ways to Prevent a Facebook Marriage Break-Up

This article is a great read. It is a great perspective of how marriages can be/are at risk because of the internet. Especially with Facebook where you can reconnect with a lot of people, including past flings.

Read the article in full here.

I think it this is a great question to ask: "Is Facebook becoming between me and my spouse?"

23 March 2010

Essential Fathers, First Post

I am now blogging for Essential Fathers. My topic is about Daddy-Daughter relationships. I will be appearing, for the time being, every Monday. Go check out my first post.

22 March 2010

Gottman's 15 Minute Prediction

I want to start off by saying that John Gottman is truly inspirational to me. His work is outstanding and is what has interested me in the field of marital relationships.

However, I recently read a tweet by Benjamin Caldwell where he linked an article about Gottman's work. The article can be read in full here.

It got me thinking more about how Gottman can predict whether a marriage will last or not. I know I had a freak out when I read his 7 Principles book and discovered that my wife and I had a similar disagreement that was discussed in his book. We are still married. But I still at times hear the voice, of what I feel is Gottman going "Ummm, I don't think they will make it."

As such, this article points out the reverse way in which Gottman did his work. Not that he predicted before each trail, but that he looked at the outcomes, in particular failure of marriage, and traced it back to common characteristics. Those common characteristics, it seems, yes, do harm marriages if continued, but they can be tweaked.

Marriages can thrive, even if there are bumps. A marriage is not about never saying sorry because everything is so blissfully wonderful. It is about learning to love, and to grow with the person you love. To grow that love. Not to quit at the first sign of trouble.

I know I have seen marriages, unhealthy, that are full of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, but they still going on. So, in a sense they survived. However, it would be best to weed out those 4 horsemen so that the marriage can thrive and be healthy.

So, do I agree with the article. Yes. Do I think that John Gottman can predict within 15 minutes whether a marriage will succeed or fail. Yes. I think with all the knowledge he has worked up over the past several years, he is probably one of, if not the, most qualified person to do such predictions.


Side note, keep on eye on the lookout, Locking Hearts Together will be launching a website in the near future.

21 March 2010

Book on Amazon for Kindle

I am learning about the convenience of digital downloads. I have uploaded a book I wrote while in my first year of University to Amazon for download on Kindle. Kindle downloads also can be read on your PC, Mac, iPhone, Blackberry, or even for your Kindle.

The short story is called The Final Game. Check it out.

04 March 2010

Parenting Tips to help Children reach Potential

As seen in the Battleford's News Optimist.

At the conclusion of a book titled Hayley Westenra: The World at Her Feet there are recommendations from the parents of this internationally known signer. Of course, their parenting tips do not mean that your child will become famous, but they will help you help your child reach their full potential, whatever that may be.
First is do anything. Let your child be engaged in as many activities as possible, so that they get exposed to the many things this world has to offer. Especially when they are young, because as they grow old, school takes a priority and some activities may be missed.
Second is to do everything to help your child in their interests. Expose them to their interest in all kinds of settings to make sure that this is truly what they want to do.
Third is to trust the child. They will naturally figure out what they are good at. You need to trust them when they say they would rather do activity B over activity A.
Fourth is to go with the flow. That is don’t try to reroute your child’s interest in a particular activity, even if you think it may not be worthwhile.
Fifth is to have low expectations. Often parents set very high expectations for their child. These goals are then out of reach and then not reached by the child. This could be discouraging to the child and prevent them from pursuing their interests. Have realistic expectations. Let them know that people make mistakes, and that those can be used as opportunities to learn.
Sixth is to be there for them. Through highs and lows you need to be reachable for your child. You may also need to stand by them as you go with them through their interests.
Seventh is to ask for help. Your child, at first, will most likely turn to you for guidance, if you don’t help them they will look else where for their answers. So, when your child asks you a question that you don’t know the answer to, get help. There will always be someone willing to supply the answer, but it may take some time to get that answer. Once you have the answer, give it to your child.
Eighth is to prioritize. You can’t do all and be all. Some things will need to take a backseat as you help your discover their interests.
Ninth, and most of all enjoy yourself! If your child sees that you are enjoying helping them pursue their interests, it won’t seem to them that you are sacrificing your life for them. Plus, if both of you are having fun, no time is really being lost.
Remember that these are just some guidelines they are not rules. You know, and your child knows, what is best for them. Follow your gut as you lead your child through their interests in life, which will become their interest for life.