I once knew of a couple who said that they didn’t say, “I love you” unless they absolutely felt like they had to say it. Which boggled me. I thought that this was strange! You must say I love you to your spouse. So, me, as an undergraduate student wanted to confront them and tell them that they need to say, “I love you” to protect their marriage.
Well, I was wrong. Saying “I love you” is just one way of expressing your love to your spouse. So they were using other tools to say “I love you”. Neither shared the verbal orientated love language.
There are three love languages. Do you think you married, or are with someone who shares your love language? Doubt it. Sometimes, you may buy your wife flowers, or chocolates, and you give them to her, and all you get is this flat look. Well, this is because she isn’t visually orientated. So let’s look at what these love languages are.
There is the love language of touch. These people like to be held, snuggled, and like to receive a kiss. They would rather hold your hand than have a fancy place to live or eat. They enjoy spending time together. Watching the football game and talking to your wife does not count as spending time together. This love language prefers being one on one with the person they love. In essence, they like to be physically close to the person they care about.
The visual orientated love language is hard work. If your spouse is this love language, they would love to see the dishes done, tasks done around the house, and other chore related activities. They would love the bouquet of flowers, because it is a visual sign that you love them. These people would rather be shown and treated in a way that makes them feel loved instead of being told. They are hands on. Weekends are meant for cleaning the garage, the basement, the entire house. That is fulfilling to them. Doing something like the dishes shows that you love them.
The verbal love language is pretty simple. “I love you,” just about does it. They also like to be praised sincerely. They love those sappy love letters and notes. They love to talk about their hopes, dreams, and goals with the person they love. This person just likes to verbally express their love.
There is a fourth love language. That is a combination of all three. No, this is not good. It doesn’t mean, “I am easy to satisfy.” It actually means you need to express your needs the most, because in certain situations you would like to be held, other times told that you are loved, other times shown. So you really need to let your spouse know what you want.
So was this couple I mentioned earlier really falling out of love by not saying “I love you”? No, they just expressed it in different ways. And so can you.
Please check out these two websites for more on your love language.
This website you can take the love language quiz.
This website talks about the 5 love languages which is an expansion on the three love languages.