San Jose Sharks make dreams come true

This was a very classy move by the San Jose Sharks. One of those heart warming stories:

Decreasing Parents Fear Around Technology

I have been noticing that there is a lot of fear around raising children and teenagers in the technology age.

Whether it is because of the shame that the mommy wars creates, i.e. who let’s their child watch TV less; or all of the shame that comes from research connecting excessive TV watching to: ADHD, Autism, poor school performance, defiant behaviour, drug use, etc. And if we dare expose our children to the TV or any other screen we are causing them harm, and therefore are harmful parents.

There has been so much research on this topic that there is instant fear and shame created whenever a new study is released, and ironically it is over-dramatized by the media. Plus, we tend to over generalize the results that we forget that: how each child uses, responds to, and copes with technology, is unique.

But because of this fear response to screen use, technology sometimes gets treated like a forbidden fruit, and then it becomes even more desirable, which creates further strain on the parent-child relationship.

With all of this fear and shame hovering around the screen, we have forgotten to look at the many benefits, and positive uses for technology, which research has shown, that can help ease the forbidden fruit syndrome and the parent-child relationship.

For example, research from Brigham Young University revealed that relationship enhancement can occur when dad’s play video games with their daughters. The University of Victoria has found that teens who play team based video games use and adapt those social skills to real life situations. The lead author in that study, Kathy Sanford, said in an interview: “People criticize gaming because it is sedentary. But we wouldn’t be upset if those kids were reading a book.” Video game playing, especially for teenage boys, has become the 2014 version of storytelling, especially when you consider the storylines for some of the games.

Not to mention that technology has allowed for connection and communication. We can easily connect with family and friends across the country or across the world.

Parents, try to engage with your child in using technology. Let go of some of that fear of not understanding technology and the shame that comes with it, and parallel play with your toddler, child, tween or teen. Yes, there will be moments where they watch a show on Netflix, but as you will parallel play with them and share moments with them, you will begin to understand their world a little more and build a connection.

In the end, the question shouldn’t be “how much is technology being used in the home”; rather, it should be “how is the technology being used in the home?”

Therapy for the elephant in the room

Keeping Parenting Simple

As a parent, and as a person who helps other parents, I sometimes get sucked into the latest parenting trends, or the hottest parenting tips. I want to somehow use someone else’s parenting success that they had with their children on my own. Forgetting that my children and other parents’ children are unique individuals, and what works with one doesn’t necessarily work with another.

My observation with these latest trends and tips is that if you put them into a pot and boil them down to their main ingredients, they relate back to ‘The Attitude’ that Dr. Daniel Hughes uses in his attachment work. ‘The Attitude’ is being a parent who creates a safe environment for a child by being: Playful, Loving, Accepting, Curious and Empathetic; or PLACE.

Being playful with a child means that as a parent you are willing to get down on the ground and engage in the world of your child. But it also means at times disciplining in a playful way. For example, when my daughter is mad and slams her bedroom door, I tell her that it is a three slamming door. She will with rage slam the door again, and again, and by the third time, she is still mad, but has a cheerful smile.

Loving a child is not always easy; especially when they have jammed crackers in the blu-ray player, or spilled juice on your shirt. Showing tenderness and compassion in those moments is important, especially during moments of correction. This is the unconditional love that is often spoken about, which is separate from the love that comes with trust.

Being accepting of your child, is simply just that, accept them. Whatever the situation, whatever their behaviour, accept them. They may be more into arts than you or more into sports than you, accept them. Whatever they do or are, accept them.

This often leads to being curious about your child. If they like something, match their interest with your curiosity about the topic. Or just be curious like they are as they explore their world.

Empathy is being able to understand a child’s current emotions from your own past experience or putting yourself in their shoes, not to be confused with sympathy, which is acknowledging the emotion with support. As an example, this means when a child steps on Lego, instead of saying, “That must have hurt, next time you will remember to pick those up so you don’t get hurt,” you’d say, with empathy, and maybe even at eye level, “That hurts” and share the emotion.

If I may add one more that is being present (which probably would happen on its own if you are using ‘the Attitude’). Sometimes in our society we have to quickly jump to the latest sound or blinking light on our mobile device. When we engage as parents using ‘the Attitude’ of PLACE, be present. If you are putting your child to bed, be there with them. If you are playing a game with them, be there.

Using PLACE is not always easy, but as you practice it, it will come more naturally. The goal is to parent using ‘the Attitude’ more often than not.

Let’s get back to the basics of parenting and keep it simple instead of over complicating it by being: Playful, Loving, Accepting, Curious and Empathetic.

Jian Ghomeshi - When going for gold goes too far

I have always enjoyed Jian Ghomeshi and his insights. I have also been a huge fan of the winter olympics. Jian's latest piece about going for gold, I couldn't agree more. I have always cheered and hope that our olympians get medals, but more importantly I hope that they perform to their best, set personal records and represent our country.

Go Canada!

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