7 ways gaming can improve your life

Jane McGonigal was recently on CBC's Q, and shared seven ways that video games can improve your life.

She also has a couple TED talks to her name promoting video games (one, two, three); which is a different approach to how the media portrays video games.

Now she doesn't encourage typical video games, but games that are designed to help solve real world problems. For example, one that I recommend a lot is called SuperBetter.

Also check out her latest book:

Building Self-Esteem: Understanding the parts of Self-Esteem

Frequently we hear people say that they have low self-esteem or low self-value or worth. These can mean many different things to different people.

This is the lens that I view self-esteem from that it is made up of three parts: self-concept, self-efficacy, self-worth. An individual’s Self-Concept is the answer to ‘who am I?’ Usually it comprises their past, present, and future traits, characteristics, performance and accomplishments. Self-efficacy is what you can do with who I am. An understanding of whether one can succeed in particular situations, which has an impact on motivation. Self-worth is the individual’s perceived value of what they contribute to their society, work, and/or family. Self-esteem is then the combination of concept, efficacy, and worth; plus the feeling how much control over one’s life. 

It is helpful to think of self-concept, efficacy and worth, each as sides of a triangle, and that self-esteem is the area of the triangle. Then it is possible to see that as someone’s concept, efficacy, and worth grow so does their self-esteem. As those three shrink, so does their self-esteem.

To help someone build their self-esteem, it is not just about helping them feel good about themselves or having confidence. It starts with the Johari Window principle. Helping them understand themselves. There are parts to a person that only they know about and that they and the people around them know. Then there are also blind spots, parts to a person that only people around them see. One of the first things I recommend is for a person to talk to a couple people that care about them (usually parents or extended family) and learn more about themselves, their family history, and what they think they will become.

Next after learning more about “who I am” – increasing self-concept, it is then important to understand what you can do with what you know about yourself. For me personally, I have learned in my family history that only three people have lived past the age of 80 – all female. So I know I have a limited time, almost an expiry date, which helps motivate me to do things and enjoy the present moment at home and at work.

After learning who one is, what you can do with it – and if that brings motivation, it is now interpreting the perceptions about the value you can contribute to society. Perception is influenced by feedback from family, friends, and society.

With all those parts combined, that makes up self-esteem.

While it is important to build self-esteem, it is even more vital to know what self-esteem is so that the smaller sections of the triangle can be built up.

The Battle With Depression and Anxiety

Helpful practices to relax your mind at work

From mindful.org

How counselling works: Finding a natural, skilled helper

I am frequently asked by clients either before or during counselling, “How does counselling work?” I respond with the 40-30-15 rule created by Scott Miller. But before we get to that, it is important to understand what a counsellor’s background to better understand how the rule is applied.

A counsellor is part of the helping profession. A helper is anyone who looks after the mental and emotional well-being of their client. There are many kinds of helpers with varying degrees and credentials. There are counsellors, social workers, psychotherapists, therapists, marriage & family therapists, psychologists, coaches, and so on.

Typically individuals that pursue these paths have been told that they are “good listeners” because of their natural helping abilities. They then acquire education to build upon and hone their natural abilities. Some training programs are: less than a year, two years, four year degrees, two year master’s degree, or higher.

It is commonly recommended that private helpers seek both a professional body and regulatory body where available. A professional organization has the best interest of the helper in mind, whereas a regulatory organization has the best interest of the client/consumer in mind.  Both lend credentials to distinguish adequate training in helpers.

A helper, typically with less than two years training, is referred to as a natural helper, as they are relying on their natural abilities to have empathy and support. A skilled helper is a masters-level or higher trained therapist with the natural helping abilities, and typically is a member of a professional and/or regulatory body. However, an often missed category is a trained helper that doesn’t have the natural abilities to connect and form a relationship.

And this is where the 40-30-15 rule comes in.

There is such a focus on the technique and skill level of a helper, when only 15% of the effectiveness is dependent on their skill. Which is not to undermine its importance, you gain that 15% when the helper is skilled.

Therapy success has two large portions: the client (40%) – meaning their motivation and life influences; and the relationship (30%) between helper and client. The remaining 30% is a combination of hope (15%) and expectations (15%) that the helper sets.

A skilled helper, in theory, should be able to employ the relationship (30%), skill (15%) and hope (15%); which is 60% of the process, the rest (40%) is up to the client.

A natural helper, again in theory, should be able to employ the relationship (30%) and hope (15%); which is 45% of the process, bringing about as much to the process as the client (40%).

A trained helper without natural abilities should be able to employ the skill (15%) and hope (15%); which is 30% of the process, lacking the relationship. The client, in this scenario, brings more to the table (40%) than the helper.

With that, what makes counselling work? Ensuring that you as a client are ready for counselling and that you have found a naturally skilled helper that you are willing to work and build relationship with.

10 ways to remain connected to your teen

This list comes from Psychology Today, and recommend going there for more depth.

1. Bridge Differences with Interest
2. Use Non-Evaluative Correction
3. Stick to Specifics
4. Value Arguments as Communication
5. Welcome Adolescent Friends
6. Provide Family Structure
7. Stay Accessible for Listening
8. Express Appreciation
9. Support Adult Friendships
10. Offer Positive Choice Points

Six exercises for happiness

The following list comes from Shawn Achor's interview with CBC. Also check out his TED talk on Happiness.

1. Gratitude Exercises. Write down three things you're grateful for that occurred over the last 24 hours. They don't have to be profound. It could be a really good cup of coffee or the warmth of a sunny day.
2. The Doubler. Take one positive experience from the past 24 hours and spend two minutes writing down every detail about that experience. As you remember it, your brain labels it as meaningful and deepens the imprint.
3. The Fun Fifteen. Do 15 minutes of a fun cardio activity, like gardening or walking the dog, every day. The effects of daily cardio can be as effective as taking an antidepressant.
4. Meditation. Every day take two minutes to stop whatever you're doing and concentrate on breathing. Even a short mindful break can result in a calmer, happier you.
5. Conscious act of kindness. At the start of every day, send a short email or text praising someone you know. Our brains become addicted to feeling good by making others feel good.
6. Deepen Social Connections. Spend time with family and friends. Our social connections are one of the best predictors for success and health, and even life expectancy.